Though life is mostly made up of accumulative little moments, there are occasional junctures ~ spurts, if you like ~ which induce and accelerate waves of larger, more perceptible change. Points which tangibly impact the course of your current existence. That's where I'm at.
Over the past few months, I've felt (and proceeded to act upon) that very visceral and gut-driven growth phase, to leave a lifestyle that I've steadily been building over the past three-ish years ~ and a lovely one at that. But sometimes there's a point where the sensation of uncomfortable in the comfortable sets in; the too comfortable, the too settled, the need to push myself and move forward. I was craving the challenge of finding comfort in the uncomfortable again, feeling an urge to enter a new chapter of change and self-development (see my previous, post-NY entry for the first inkling of that). So a couple of months ago I quit my job, simultaneously deciding to leave sweet Berlin for London, after what will be seven years living away from my home-home city.
Berlin has been ~ and always will be ~ a place I have the softest of spots for. I've quite literally been living my 14-year-old self's dream these past years (I still have the diary entries to prove it), and don't take a single morsel of that for granted. I also really really worked to make that teenage vision a reality; like life at large, none of it came without setbacks, challenges or even tragedy.
It's not that dreams necessarily expire or become invalid, but they do expand and grow with you. And in order for me to truly live beyond a mere existence ~ as nice as that existence might be most of the time ~ I need to keep moving and acting in alignment with my mid-twenties self's dreams; dreams that fill a solid 90% of my brain space (and journal) every single day.
Rather than stalling upon "completion" of past ambitions, we owe it to ourselves to listen to the voice of that very real intuition, rather than the viewpoints, projections or impressions of others. To fearlessly pursue what's right for us, right now, to build the future we envision for ourselves next. To do the inward, deep work and check in with who we are in the present, not who we were in the past.
Which takes me to said present moment: You might have peeped some little aesthetic changes around here, all signalling a larger scale, longterm action plan for an exciting 2.0 iteration of It's Brogues ~ more of which you'll hear/read about in the very near future. But for the time being, I'm deep into cultivating the art of slow living, properly listening to my mind and body, taking time out (for the first time ever) to absorb all the sunshine, learnings and experiences I possibly can. Just living and being, creating and doing, all on my own terms.
And it's~wonderful.
That's not to say leaving will be a breeze, or come without sentimental and nostalgic feels. Berlin* (and the countless life-defining humans/experiences the city has granted me) are responsible for some of the highest highs, greatest self-growth moments and most precious memories I'll quite possibly ever encounter ~ none of which, or whom, will be forgotten or neglected upon leaving. We really absorb and become an accumulation of the people we've met and the places we've been, and I'm excited to bring (and add to) all of those as I hop into my next life phase. I'm also excited to make a new life in my old stomping ground, experiencing and perceiving a place of familiarity through a fresh, even foreign, lens. And to use it as a base to travel more from. Much more.
The future is exciting.
*Btw! I've also given my Berlin Guide a long (long long) overdue update of some of my most loved spots in the city. Have a scroll if you like.
